I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This is the high leading the old right now
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
