I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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