I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
