I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
