Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
