I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
