well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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