You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
