I cockslap morals
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
