hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
