I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
