around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
