we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
