I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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