bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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