the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
