Dual....:-)
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize