I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
