He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
