Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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