update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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