She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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