420 ftw
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
