So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
bring money and cleavage
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
