I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
