Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
