dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
