is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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