youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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