"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
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