My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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