I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
