I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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