If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
