Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
