I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
