I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize