Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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