I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
