Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
this just has baby written all over it
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
