we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
