i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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