I wanna bring you to show and tell
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
