oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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