I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
