I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
