dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
