Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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