so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
