i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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