They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
