Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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