You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
