Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
