just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think your dad took our porno
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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