p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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