Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
