At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
