I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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