no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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