saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
