Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
