Small penises have feelings too.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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