I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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