Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
