i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
