He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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