he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
