mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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