gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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