Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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