Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
