We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
