And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
wanna go halves on a baby?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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