Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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