i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
