Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
