i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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