wrigley field is MILF paradise
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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